Six years ago...

Six years ago our life changed. We experienced something that no one should ever have to go through. The loss of a child. My husband was overseas in Turkey. He would be gone for 18mths. Right before he left we found out that I was pregeant again. We were so excited because this was planned.

I was about 20 wks when I went in for a routine ultrasound. During this I found out that we were having a daughter. A daughter! I called my husband and he was so exicted. We had two boys and now we'd have the daughter we wanted. Also during this ultrasound I was told that I would have to go to OKC for a 3D Ultrasound because they were having trouble seeing everything. They scheduled it for 2 wks later.

A friend went with me to OKC - along with Monkey (who was 1 1/2 at the time). We were joking around and talking the whole way there. She went into the ultrasound room with me (Monkey played in his stroller). The Doctor walked in said hello and placed the monitor on my just now starting to show stomach. He wasted no time. He said "I'm sorry, she is going to die." I just stared at him. Not really grasping what he was saying. He went on to explain that my daughter was anencephalic. What does that mean? He said the top of her skull didn't form and neither would her brain. "I can feel her move though." His reply "It doesn't take a brain for a baby to move. The movements come from the Brain Stem that is still there." My friend gasped - she couldn't believe he said that. I just looked at him and said "I said now what?" He went on to give me two option. Deliever her now or continue to carry her until Feb. When I would be alone - feeling her grow inside me. Feel her become more real to me and my son's. Watch my 3 yr old become excited at the prospect of having another sibling. Have people I know or don't know congratulate me. Do this all - without - my husband.

My friend and I left OKC and traveled back to TX. We tried talking about everything BUT. We stopped in Lawton for lunch. I said I needed to call my husband but I didn't think I could. We got back in the van and headed back home. As soon as we got to base I drove to Cotto's office. He would help me. He knew where I was going that day. We pulled into the parking lot and went inside. I asked for him (he was helping the wives of service members overseas without them - he was a local support system for us). As soon as he walked out I burst into tears. I couldn't say anything. I finally got out that I needed him to bring my husband home. He took me back to his office and he started making calls. My husband would be home on Wednesday (it was Monday) and he was getting on the plane now. (They were prepared on his end to put him on a plane)

Wednesday night I sat at home with two wonderful woman. Christina and Missy. They stayed with me - waiting up - until he walked through the door. I grabbed him and didn't let go. They quietly left out the front door. I stayed up all night that night. Crying and talking. Trying to understand what I did, what we were going to do and what next.

We came to the hard decision that it would be best for everyone involved if we delievered her early. That way my husband could also be here with us. So the boys wouldn't be hurt anymore by this then they would be. We went to the doctor's the next day. We told them our decision. They respected it and the Doctor who would deliever our angel had been there for other births like hers. I requested that there would only be one nurse to attend me during the labor. They respected that as well. Saturday would be the day.

We had a ton to do and prepare for. The days were a blur.

Saturday came. We went into the hospital. Not only would I have one nurse but she too had attended a birth as special as this one. She would be blessed and honored to be with us on this day. She was so sweet. I was in a panic. I was worried that I was making a mistake. She wasn't really sick and she wouldn't really die. Please can we do another ultrasound? What if they are wrong! Everyone was very paintent and reassuring that there was nothing we could do.

The day was long and short all at the same time. Finally she was born. I squeezed my eyes shut and cried....my husband cried...the nurse and doctor were quick and queit. She took Abigail Hlee out of the room. She cleaned her, took foot prints and dressed her for us. Including a little cap for her beautiful head. She brought her back to us to hold and love. She looked like a tiny minature of her brothers. She had ten fingers and ten toes. She was beautiful. She was ours.

She has forever changed our lives. Sometimes for the better. We're stronger now. We learned that as a family we can do anything. She is our little angel. In other posts I've talked about Princess talking to Abigail. Without Abigail we would not have our Princess. Together they share a sister bond that no one else has. Two souls united in heaven. My daughters.

Today is Abigail's birthday. Tonight we'll sit together as a family and celebrate our little angel and our beautiful family. Today is a day to be thankful for everything we have.

Isn't she beautiful....

Chloe Jeanne (known as C.J. from here on out on my blog - well if I can be good and not boast about my namesake....LOL)

She's a MOMMY!

My sister is a mommy. *SOB*

Chloe Jeanne was born at 10:09 PM 28 Sept 2008. She is 7lbs .63oz and 20 1/2 inches.

This is what happens when you DTD and then when you DTD while pg you go into labor and end up with this:

I bet J is happy he got his wish and she came on the weekend. Unfortunally not soon enough so he wouldn't have to miss work tomorrow. OPPS.

Here are the proud parents! (Sorry pics are from a cell phone and I'm still waiting on the nice cleaned up cute ones LOL)

Diapers and crazy

Okay where'd my week go (not that I'm complaining). Seriously though it flew past and Friday has snuck up on me and I do not know what I have done this week. I don't. I think this stems from my 3 kids turning my brain to mush and well lets just say the 18th can't get here soon enough. They ALL go to school this year. Little Man is on to 4th, Monkey heads to 2nd and Princess will kick off at PrK. SWEET! Then I'll have some stories to share cause right now I can't think of anything that they do as cute cause I spend 99.5% of the time wanting to strangle one of them. *sigh* When's school start?

So today I actually DID do something (during naptime). As you know my sister is pg with her first child. Well she is in NY and for obvious reasons I can not attend (I am in CO and broke). So I decided to make a diaper cake and ship it over for the shower.

Okay so I did one a few years ago and it was "okay" but not AWESOME. LOL I think I found my way to AWESOME. (I did and I don't care what you say it is awesome)


So I took a old rinsed out slimfast container (took the label off of it cause I didn't want my Sissy to think she needs to be losing weight) and started wrapping size 1 diapers around it. I kept wrapping until I couldn't hold them on anymore (about 1 or 2 layers) so I added a huge rubber band and then I kept slipping more diapers in until I thought my base was big enough.

Is this big enough?

So then I rolled up and shoved a few diapers into the container. I folded a HUGE blanket into thirds and wrapped it around the diaper ring. Since my folding wasn't "perfect" I had an overlap on the top so I placed a handful of diapers on top to fill in that space.

To keep the blanket in place I used two tiny binder clips where the ends meet. (You'll need a very LONG baby blanket for this) I thought about using diaper pins so I am sure they'd work as well.

Then I placed a square lovey on top of the bottom base.

My top layer was made by rolling 4 diapers and securing them with tiny hair bands. Then I wrapped diapers around just as I did with the bottom layer. Adding a hug rubber band when I needed to hold it all together. When it reached the size I wanted a used a blanket that I folded in fourths attaching it again with two tiny binder clips. Place on top of the lovey.

Here you'd decorate as you wish. Since mine is being shipped and I have to count on others to place it all together I kept it simple and just got a carseat hanging toy and two tiny stuffies.

See isn't it cute. Cute and simple.



Now anyone know anymore baby machines cause I'd love to make more of these. The last one I made was so difficult and took forever (rolling and tying EACH diaper and then trying to tie the huge bundle together UGH). I really enjoyed this one.

Sisters

A young wife sat on a sofa on a hot humid day,
drinking iced tea and visiting with her Mother. As
they talked about life, about marriage, about the
responsibilities of life and the obligations of
adulthood, the mother clinked the ice cubes in her
glass thoughtfully and turned a clear,
sober glance upon her daughter
'Don't forget your Sisters,' she advised, 'They'll
be more important as you get older. No matter how
much you love your husband, no matter how much you
love the children you may have, you are still going
to need Sisters. Remember to go places with them now
and then; do things with them.'
'Remember that 'Sisters' means ALL the women...
your girlfriends, your daughters, and all your other
women relatives too. 'You'll need other women.
Women always do.'
What a funny piece of advice!' the young woman
thought. Haven't I just gotten married?
Haven't I just joined the couple-world? I'm now a
married woman, for goodness sake! A grownup! Surely
my husband and the family we may start will be all I
need to make my life worthwhile!'
But she listened to her Mother. She kept contact
with her Sisters and made more women friends each
year. As the years tumbled by, one after another,
she gradually came to understand that her Mom really
knew what she was talking about. As time and nature
work their changes and their mysteries upon a woman,
Sisters are the mainstays of her life.
After more than 50 years of living in this world,
here is what I've learned:
THIS SAYS IT ALL:
Time passes.
Life happens.
Distance separates.
Children grow up.
Jobs come and go.
Love waxes and wanes.
Men don't do what they're supposed to do.
Hearts break.
Parents die.
Colleagues forget favors.
Careers end.
BUT.........
Sisters are there, no matter how much time and how
many miles are between you.
A girl friend is never farther away
than needing her can reach.
When you have to walk that lonesome valley and
you have to walk it by yourself, the women in your life
will be on the valley's rim, cheering you on,
praying for you, pulling for you, intervening on
your behalf, and waiting with open arms at the valley's end.
Sometimes, they will even break the rules and walk beside you...
Or come in and carry you out.
Girlfriends, daughters, granddaughters,
daughters-in-law, sisters, sisters-in-law, Mothers,
Grandmothers, aunties, nieces, cousins, and extended
family, all bless our life!
The world wouldn't be the same without women, and
neither would I. When we began this adventure called
womanhood, we had no idea of the incredible joys or
sorrows that lay ahead. Nor did we know how much we
would need each other..
Every day, we need each other still. Pass this on
to all the women who help make your life meaningful.
I just did. Short and very sweet:
There are more than twenty angels in this world.
Ten are peacefully sleeping on clouds. Nine are
playing. And one is reading her email at this moment.
Send this message to ten of your friends including
me. If you get 5 replies, someone you love will
surprise you.

It's a GIRL!!!!

I have another Neice coming. Only this time it is MY baby sister having the baby. She found out today that she is having a girl. Little bit wasn't shy at all and flashed the whole world (sounds familiar). She said they determined that she is 5mths along today but they didn't adjust her due date. So as of right now I have a niece to be arriving sometime around October 11th. Fun times. Now I need to see if I can afford to go home.

She wanted a son but I'm secretly glad it's a girl....she is suppose to be named after me.

Angels

Last night Chef put Princess to bed after I had given her a bath. Well he forgot to kiss her (gasp) so she started yelling until he went back upstairs.

This is their converstation.

Princess "My angel is coming to see me."
Chef - "Your angel?"
Princess "Yes, Her name is Abigail."
Chef - "Is it?"
Princess "Yes and she is bigger then me."
Chef - "Thats great. Good night honey."


*note - for those that don't know - we lost a baby who we named Abigail that was born in 2002. The Princess was born in 2004.*